Why Puzzles: The Quiet Magic of Parallel Play

by Erica Elms

This past Christmas, my parents came to visit from Florida for three weeks. During the days, we stayed busy with school, activities, holiday events—you know, all the things you do during that blur of time at the end of the year.

But in the evenings, after putting the kids to bed, my real work began. I had a massive pile of puzzles to test for the Assemble Puzzlery library. Whenever we get used puzzles, we always build them once to make sure they’re in good condition, have all their pieces, and are actually fun.

Every night, my dad would join me at the coffee table. Like me, he can’t sit in a room with an unfinished puzzle and not start trying to make the pieces fit. We would stay up way too late. His body was still on East Coast time, he’s in his 70s, and chasing my kids all day is exhausting even for me—so I would tell him to go to bed. Every night, he would ignore me, happily clicking pieces into place, until I finally turned off the light and forced us both to retire.

Those quiet hours, crouched over the coffee table—sometimes speaking, sometimes not—were some of the best moments of the visit for me.

It has always been that way between my dad and me. We enjoy each other's company best when we have a shared task. We could be baking (a favorite), hanging a screen door, or building a shed. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as we are working toward a common goal. There’s less pressure to force a conversation, less direct eye contact, just less stress. And yet, it's exactly when I feel the closest to him.

What is it about being near a person, but not being forced to "perform," that builds such a deep connection?

I first learned about parallel play in a college developmental psychology class. It’s when toddlers play independently but near one another. It allows them to observe and learn social skills in a safe environment before they’re ready to fully interact. But the power of parallel play doesn’t end in childhood.

It has powerful mental and emotional benefits for adults, too. Being near someone without the pressure of direct engagement removes social anxiety and allows your nervous systems to co-regulate.

Add a puzzle to the mix, and the benefits increase. Did you know that every time you place a puzzle piece, your brain gets a little hit of dopamine? When you puzzle with someone else, you experience "dopamine mirroring," which creates a shared positive feedback loop.

With your hands and eyes busy, the pressure drops, and conversation flows naturally. At one of our very first Assemble Puzzlery events, a group of young men came into a brewery for a beer. They didn’t know it was puzzle night, but they ended up sitting down and doing a puzzle together anyway. At the end of the evening, they waved me over. They told me they had known each other for years, but had never had such a deep, meaningful conversation.

That is the magic of puzzles. Sometimes the table stays quiet, and that’s okay too. You can say absolutely nothing and still walk away feeling closer than when you started. Puzzles level the playing field, bridging gaps across different backgrounds, ages, and beliefs. It is a great equalizer.

This is exactly why Jen and I started Assemble Puzzlery. We wanted everyone to have the chance to connect on a deeper level.

Whether it’s with a stranger you just met at a community event, or your own dad after a long day of chasing grandkids—our goal is to create the space for you to feel that connection. Both on, and around, the table.